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My Vegan Struggle

So…this vegan thing, let’s talk about it.

I’m struggling, y’all. So many delicious foods are made with dairy – ice cream, cookies, ice cream, pizza. My significant other is doing a much better job than me, I must say, which only makes me feel (slightly) worse. With age, I’ve become more aware of the importance of my diet and how it affects my physical health. Since I transitioned to (99.999) vegetarianism, I can say there is a difference in how quickly I can gain muscle tone, even after a junk food/no workout binge, and my skin has significantly fewer hormonal break outs. Thanks to the power of the Internet, I learned about how dairy affects your cholesterol, adding fats to your blood. But I keep coming back to the deliciousness of ice cream, and my soul hurts. Just like I don’t believe in diet cookies or ice cream, these goodies without the dairy just seems blasphemous.

Since it’s all a journey, I’m still working on it. Bryant Terry, who I consider one of the best vegan author/cook in the game, released his new book today. If you’re in the market for a new resource, whether you’re vegan, vegetarian, transitioning or a full-fledged non-apologizing meat-eater, pick up a copy of “Afro-Vegan: Farm-Fresh African, Caribbean, and Southern Flavors Remixed.” I’m going to get a copy for me and my mom (who is kicking butt at veganism and putting us all to shame over here).

Other resources that I love:

“Vegan Soul Food: Fresh, Healthy, and Creative African-American Cuisine” – took this one from my mom, best thing I’ve taken from her aside from this one super-comfy sweater.

Happy Herbivore – great community of vegans, includes an informative website and some fun cook books.

Dallas Vegan – good online resource for local vegans. Check out their Instagram as well for some yummy food shots to get you hungry.

Local restaurants: Cosmic Cafe, Kalachandji’s, Spiral Diner (Two words: tofu scramble. It’ll change your life.)

Do you have any vegan cook book or Dallas-area restaurants recommendations? Leave them in the comments, and I’ll be sure to check them out.

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Does Being a Leader Mean Never Having to Say “I’m Sorry”?

Think about the last time you made a public mistake, be it in your personal or professional life. How did you handle it? Were you apologetic? Did you immediately make amends to anyone affected? And then, when the dust had settled, did you reflect on it, file the information and move on? Those are the “right” things to do, according to anyone with a lick of sense. When it comes to me, though, you won’t find one phrase in my acts of contrition: “I’m sorry.”

Now, this is not to say that I don’t experience regret or feel that I’m wrong, because it definitely happens. What I’m saying is that the words “I’m sorry” are not part of my vocabulary (usually). They’re right up there with the act of crying – there are just some things that can’t be taken back.

Let me explain my rationale. I want to solve issues, preferably before they become full-fledged problems. When a problem does arise, I’d rather dedicate time to quashing it than explaining it, apologizing for it and then resolving it. The act of saying “I’m sorry” puts you on the back foot. Unless a person has truly goofed in an irreparable way, there is always a way to make things better. Being solutions-focused means I’m looking ahead at next steps, not down at where I am currently still in the mistake.

To give an example: I encountered a situation in which, though it wasn’t me who screwed up, it fell to me as the person responsible for the one who did screw up. My response was to take responsibility, in writing, and begin discussing what could be done to rectify the situation. Unfortunately, the phrase “I take responsibility” didn’t have the same effect as “I’m sorry” to the superiors, and I was admonished specifically for not apologizing. Even years later, I believe this was one of the best examples of mismanagement I’ve encountered. Instead of focusing on my desire to fix the problem, the manager instead only saw the lack of the specific words that made them feel better. Even after pointing out that I had not shirked my role in the situation, I was left with a bad taste in my mouth. The manager’s reaction confirmed what I’d already suspected about some people: To say “I’m sorry” is akin to groveling, laying prostrate and allowing someone to be “right” in your wrongness.

Since then, I’ve stood in my anti-sorry stance. Thankfully, the people that I work with now are of the problem-solving variety rather than the make-me-feel-better type, which means that when it comes to it, we’re on the get-things-done team.

What about you? Do you find yourself apologizing unnecessarily? (The way people, especially women, apologize for the littlest things is whole ‘nother post.) Or are you team no-apologies-necessary? What’s your fix-it tactic?

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The Internet Is Lazy

But you already knew that, right?

This week, the Internet went through its usual paroxysms over the “hot topic” of the moment. This time it was the “First Kiss,” a video purporting to be footage of complete strangers kissing for the first time. My usual reaction to seeing all the You MUST see this video, ERMAHGERD! comments is to completely ignore it, hoping the hype goes down. This time, I bit. And as I expected, the hype let me down. Because truly, who wants to watch people awkwardly mash faces.

I digress. As the social media about the video reached a fever pitch, the other shoe dropped, so to speak. The kissers, gasp, they weren’t only strangers. Apparently, they’re also models. And the video wasn’t just for the sake of showing the intensity of initial physical contact. It was an ad for a clothing line. Color me surprised…

At this point, I’d checked out because nothing is ever as it appears online. But The Internet had other thoughts. Article after article about the “value” of the video, whether the fact that the people were models mattered, were we duped because it was an ad instead of unaffiliated viral content. The next wave of reaction posts were, predictably, folks’ takes on the “First Kiss” – a “real” version with non-models, a joke take on hand jobs, even one with dogs.

Now, I post this all to say that I wish it wasn’t all so predictable. Every five days or so, someone uploads an article or a video or a photo that takes over the conversation. The hot topic isn’t limited to social media, since the traditional outlets trawl social media for their filler content. After the first wave of shares and posts, then the response (#thinkpiece) from everyone with an opinion comes down the pipe followed by the responses to the response. It’s ubiquitous, it’s everywhere, and it’s exhausting. Most of all, it’s lazy.

Knowing how limited our attention spans are when we’re online, and how much information is out there, I encourage everyone to expand beyond their current outlets. Look for new writers, new perspectives and stories that maybe aren’t BuzzFeed-worthy but worthy of your attention. Think for yourself, don’t be lazy like The Internet.

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Why I’m Learning to Love Non-Fiction Writing

I haven’t done a “What I’m Reading” lately, mostly because I’m adding volunteer work to my schedule and I’ve found I can’t get through stacks of books like I used to. I did manage to get through “Americanah” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, which, seriously, if you haven’t had a chance to pick it up, DO IT. And not just because everyone discovered who she was due to the sample of her TED Talk on Beyonce’s latest album. The book is beautifully written; I sympathized and related to many of the themes of discovery of self and one’s own and other’s culture in the lead characters. The book is actually the first selection for the “Patton Family Book Club” otherwise known as a way to keep my sister sane after she has her first baby next month (:-)).

Back on topic now. I’ve always been a huge fan of fictional works. I lose myself in the characters, the timing, the unraveling of the story, until there is no more. Then I reflect, inward and quiet. If it’s a truly good story, I may look at myself and those around me differently. And on to the next story and another one after that. I used to always tell myself that I wasn’t a “non-fiction” reader because those stories were so black-and-white, factual and dry. I don’t dislike history or biographies or business books, they just weren’t my thing.

Well, since life is all about change, and change we must, I’m now of a different opinion. When doing my 2013 review of the “best books,” I realized that I was missing out on a lot of new knowledge by avoiding what I thought I didn’t like. List after list of quality reading and insight, and I was in the dark.

So, without further ado, here is what I have on my non-fiction reading list:

For business reading, check out this list of “10 books every digital marketer should read” from PR Daily and “15 books to add to your reading list in 2014” from Mashable. I’d love more recommendations on non-fiction reading, leave your suggestions in the comments. For direction, I want to learn more about Eastern European culture, creativity, Nigerian writers and comedy.

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The Four Lessons I’ve Learned Since Getting Fired

Photo via Flickr user C4 BOO
Photo via Flickr user C4 BOO. Image license.

I sometimes manage to miss anniversaries – like when I started blogging – but an upcoming date has not missed my notice. It’s been (about) a year since I got fired for the first time. In those (nearly) 365 days, I’ve learned quite a bit about myself, professionalism and coping with personal setbacks.

Make a plan – I saw my fate coming from a distance, so it gave me time to prepare. Once it happens to you, it’s normal to want to sit down and sulk, kick rocks and curse and generally be mad at life. If that helps, do it…but do it short-term. Then you get up, dust yourself off and start making a strategy. Nothing good comes from wallowing in your misery. Most importantly, piss poor planning prevents proper performing (thanks band years!). Takeaway: Always have a plan B (and C), even if you think you’ve found the dream job.

Maintain a network  – As I mentioned, I had a bit of a head start so I was able to reach out to my network before the hammer dropped. The fact that I had kept in touch even during the times I didn’t need anything likely helped move things along when I did need them. When I reached out to them about opportunities, it wasn’t from a perspective of “I need” but “How can I help you?” That subtle shift got me more opportunities and recommendations than submitting dozens of online applications. Takeaway: The most important question someone in need can ask isn’t “Can you help me?” but how “How can I help you?”

Invest in yourself – Losing my main source of income naturally made me want to shut down all “unnecessary” spending. I reconsidered this stance when a work associate, Tawanna Browne Smith, someone who knew my industry and had provided me with great feedback, recommended I link up with Mia Redrick. In the past 10 months, Mia has provided me with a blueprint for entrepreneurship and personal and group accountability. If you’re thinking of coaching, seriously, check her out. Takeaway: Strategic investments in your skills – continuing education, professional development, coaching – is a worthy measure if you believe it will help you get past your current situation.

Brand yourself – During a group session, we were asked if someone had to describe our services or expertise, had we given them enough to do so? A year ago, I’d been blogging but not about my area of knowledge. Since then I’ve launched my own website (where you are now), and I’ve begun using this site and my Twitter account (@VeleisaP) to tell more about myself as a professional. Another investment, but very much worth the price when it comes to search results on my name and my brand. Takeaway: Your name is often your entree into opportunities; make sure you are the one telling your story both in person and online.

That’s my wisdom. What advice would you give to a professional going through the transition that comes from being fired? I’ll share your comments via my Twitter account.

Image license

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The Influence of Twitter – On The Up or Down?

Fail Whale
Via xioubin low (Flickr)

Depending upon who you ask, Twitter is on the upswing and influencing everything from politics to media or is never going to reach the level of Facebook and struggling to find relevancy in the social media. With Facebook making record profits and celebrating its 10-year anniversary (tell me you didn’t tear up at your “Look Back” video), social media experts are looking at how other networks stack up. And Twitter isn’t looking like much of a contender.

According to a Feb. 10, 2014 Wall Street Journal article, Twitter is struggling to add users, with Facebook users numbered at 1.2 billion (yes, with a b) monthly active users in the fourth quarter of 2013 compared to Twitter’s 241 million. Initially, I was one of the “Don’t want it, don’t need it” people who tried to shun Twitter. I didn’t understand why I needed to share all the time and why anyone would care what I had to say in 140 characters or less. As I began to see the ways in which communicators were using Twitter for immediacy, engagement and awareness, it became clear that there was a value in the network.

Since joining, I’ve co-hosted and participated in Twitter chats, watched social movements take off and made online and offline friendships. Twitter strategy as part of a brand’s integrated marketing can bring in new fans/followers who then become customers and eventually ambassadors. Twitter isn’t going away, that’s for sure, but the company must increase users because users means advertising which means money.

Perhaps Twitter’s snazzy redesigned user profiles will be the key?

What are your thoughts – is Twitter on the rise, decline or holding steady?

 

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How Do You Teach A Thing Like Gender?

If anyone knows me long enough, it’s likely that they’ll see my put my foot in my mouth with some kind off-hand remark that sounded much more witty inside my head than it does coming out of my mouth. We’re all a work in progress; I know about this quirk of mine and I’m working on asking myself “Does this statement matter?” when I start to speak. Mindful thinking and all that jazz.

I was told about one of these moments from over the holidays. During some belated gift giving, a young girl in my family unwrapped a set of “princess tiaras and shoes,” marketed as the ultimate playtime accessory set. While she peeled out to trade out her sparkly sneakers for the plastic slides in a blinding shade of pink, my heart sank.

Continue reading “How Do You Teach A Thing Like Gender?”

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What is your fingerprint?

flickr user yoghaert
flickr user yoghaert – license

Oprah Winfrey and emotional connectivity. Steve Jobs and technological design, both the aesthetic and the functional. Salman Khan and education accessibility. All of these people have an identity for which they are known and celebrated and personalities that carried over into their business dealings.

The title of this post – “What is your fingerprint?” – was a question asked of a business group to which I belong. Immediately, the above people sprung to mind. What I couldn’t think of was my own fingerprint. My background has been in a range of communication: media relations, content development, writing for online, social media management. Now, as I consider expanding my career into actively seeking opportunities to provide freelance services, I have to consider if I am a jack-of-all-trades or if I should narrow down my offerings to a top-three. One piece of advice that most business people would give entrepreneurs is to know what you do and do it well over trying to be everything for everyone.

For months I’ve been working on my nervousness about putting myself out for public consideration, and if a potential client will find me lacking. It’s as though seven years of work experience and two degrees fly out the window. My heart is in my throat and I retreat. And then I got the question: “What is your fingerprint?” How do I want to be known, considered, evaluated and judged as a professional? Ultimately, it’s my responsibility to shape that image, and I must stop fearing it.

How do you shape your “fingerprint”? What did you do to take the reins on your image?

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Making Time to Disconnect

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Flickr – J. Skorobogatov

I had a weird/scary moment last week. Not scary-bad as much as scary-unusual. While driving, I actually…looked around at my surroundings. When I was stopped at a red light, I people-watched. No Facebook status updates, no Twitter posts, no Instagram feed. Just driving and thinking. Not surprisingly, and as you may have guessed, it took a moment of forgetfulness – leaving my phone at home – for me to actually appreciate the silence and solitude of my drive.

There are plenty of stories online about people who disconnect from the network and how it affects them; my favorite came from Barantude Thurston of Fast Company. Usually the story begins with some anecdotal tales of how their ever-connectedness via social media caused them to lose the ability to engage person-to-person. Next comes the withdrawal symptoms of “fear of missing out (FOMO),” an actual anxiety that has been covered by The New York Times (forgive me if I think this is wholly an ultimate “First World Problem”). Finally, the protagonist realizes that with silence comes inner peace, or something akin to that.

I’ve not felt that FOMO, since I purposely keep my circle small enough to keep in touch as needed. However, I recognize that as I have more accessibility to email, social networks and news on my smart phone, it becomes harder to just put the phone down. I want to be visually and mentally stimulated at all times, and I’m not the only one who sees it as a potential issue. Dating is an area where technology has skewed what is normal and what is not, as described in this article. Children are not engaging in reading as they once were because of increased time looking at screens. The more technology helps, the more it hurts apparently.

I always say that any potential future offspring will likely hate me, because I don’t believe in giving children access to technology just because it exists. The kid that I spend the most time around regularly asks to play games on my tablet and smart phone and 9 times out of 10, the answer is no. Just yesterday, they told me the ultimate worst situation for a kid: “I’m bored.” My response…good. Be bored. Learn how to just sit and think and be still. You’ll appreciate it when you’re an adult and you look back at those hours of free time you had, wondering how you filled a whole day. Now, don’t get me wrong, I provide entertainment in the form of answering any and all questions asked of me, especially if it becomes a learning experience. I’m thinking I should start taking my own advice though, and create learning moments outside my house and an Internet connection.

Do you feel a FOMO? Are you on a technology fast or diet, or do you take one every so often to reconnect to human beings?

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Getting To The Why of Reading

If you ever want to know why a person whose face is always in a book does that, think of this quote:

“Fiction can show you a different world. It can take you somewhere you’ve never been. Once you’ve visited other worlds, like those who ate fairy fruit, you can never be entirely content with the world that you grew up in. Discontent is a good thing: discontented people can modify and improve their worlds, leave them better, leave them different.”

Taken from “Neil Gaiman: Why our future depends on libraries, reading and daydreaming“

Another favorite excerpt, from a very personal perspective:

“I believe we have an obligation to read for pleasure, in private and in public places. If we read for pleasure, if others see us reading, then we learn, we exercise our imaginations. We show others that reading is a good thing.

We have an obligation to support libraries. To use libraries, to encourage others to use libraries, to protest the closure of libraries. If you do not value libraries then you do not value information or culture or wisdom. You are silencing the voices of the past and you are damaging the future.

We have an obligation to read aloud to our children. To read them things they enjoy. To read to them stories we are already tired of. To do the voices, to make it interesting, and not to stop reading to them just because they learn to read to themselves. Use reading-aloud time as bonding time, as time when no phones are being checked, when the distractions of the world are put aside.”