Category: journeys

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I Used Airbnb and Lived to Tell My Story

 

So I’ve been out of touch, and for that I’m sorry. Then I’m not sorry, because I became an aunt for the first time and I had to take some time to visit with the newest addition to my family. Keeping it short, she’s gorgeous and ready to be spoiled for life by her favorite Tia Leisa.

Since the visit was a multi-day affair with me and my mom flying from Dallas and Atlanta, respectively, to London, I introduced my mom to Airbnb for our housing needs. As a traveler in “the know,” I’d of course heard about Airbnb – the good and the bad – and figured the savings from being able to cook our own meals and not take the Tube everywhere would offset any kind of weirdness that I would feel from staying in someone else’s house. So here are the pros and cons of my Airbnb experience:

Pros

  • Locate yourself where you need to be – Blessedly we found a flat that was only a 10-minute walk from my sister and brother-in-law. As anyone who has been around a newborn can attest, they keep their own hours that have no relation to any plans you want to make. Being able to come and go, or have them visit us, at hours that didn’t depend on finding a cab or taking the train eliminated a potential travel headache. Takeaway: Use the search feature to find a place conveniently located to what you want to do in town, whether it’s popular dining, family-friendly attractions or outdoor activities.
  • Local flavor – To stave off cabin fever waiting for mom and baby to make their way over, I found myself taking meandering walks around the neighborhood. The benefit of being away from the tourist areas is finding a cafe other than Starbucks, a grocery store other than Marks & Spencers and clothing stores other than TopShop. From my walks I discovered that Crouch End may have more coffee shops per square meter than anywhere else I’ve ever been. They also have excellent brunch spots that are very kid-friendly. Takeaway: Get away from all the other tourists and discover the city outside of the guidebooks.
  • Save, save, save – The entire time I was there, I never took public transportation. Anything I needed to do was nearby, including a hike to Alexandra Palace for some great views of the city. Seriously, it was five miles, uphill. I also had the benefit of avoiding expensive takeout and restaurants by making meals in the rented flat. Takeaway: Take the budget you would use to splurge on touristy dining and enjoy a show or other attractions.
Alexandra Palace on a perfect sunny day. Also, look at that incline!
Alexandra Palace on a perfect sunny day. Also, look at that incline!

Cons

  • No “comforts” of home – Clearly not everyone will have the same idea of “comfortable” that you do. Suffice it to say, my back wanted to go home far before my mind did. Takeaway: Pack your own pillow if you can.
  • The mess you make, it doesn’t go away – One of the benefits of staying at a hotel is that when you disappear during the day, the hardworking housekeeping team works their magic on your room. Your towels are replaced, the counters are free of goop and they even turn down your bed. With Airbnb, it’s all on you. Takeaway: Work into your mind that you will have to at least spot clean to keep your sanity, especially on longer trips and especially if you’re traveling with kids.

Would I do it again? I actually would, especially if I was traveling alone to a city known for high hotel rates: Paris, Rome, pretty much all of Europe. I now know to bring items like multiple pairs of socks, a personal pillow and a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.

Do you have an Airbnb or other housing rental experience you want to share? Leave me a comment with your best story.

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How to See the Forests and the Trees

Recently, at a catch-up brunch with a friend from college who is also in the communications field, we discussed the need for a side hustle. We both leaned toward consulting, and as such were discussing client relations.

As we had both discovered, and many other solo practitioners well know, those in need of communication assistance don’t always see the big picture. Potential clients sometimes believe that a tactic like customer newsletters, press releases or social media posts can make up for the lack of a true foundation of a brand and vision. My friend told me “That’s not the entirety of what we do, and it’s hard to translate that sometimes.” To which I nodded in agreement, because I’ve been there and done that.

So here is my two cents on the matter, for those entrepreneurs who are seeking to make a big impression through integrated communication:

  • Know thyself – Can you explain you and your services in a nutshell? If that nutshell is more the size of a coconut rather than a peanut shell, start shaving down to the essentials. There is a lot of competition out there, and the quicker you can get to the “How I can help you” point, the better to keep and maintain the attention of your customers.
  • Know thy budget – Find a balance between costs, both monetary and non-monetary. Recognize what you save in dollars by trying to do it all yourself may actually come out as a time resource cost. Nothing in life is free; know when to outsource to the professionals.
  • Know thy value – This message is for clients and communication practitioners both. Pricing your goods, for entrepreneurs, means the difference between feast and famine. Allocate, budget and track your sales to know when you can bring in partners – and yes, PR and marketing people should be your right-hand (wo)man in your journey – to help you go even further. Practitioners, know and ask for the true value of your services. Sure, you may think that writing out the plan takes only X hours. But consider also the time it takes to get in the head of your client, research their field and truly deliver an informed plan.

I hope this helped someone who is being challenged with a client who is limiting their own vision in the pursuit of short-term sales. Remind them that you are in the business of creating a long-haul journey, a foundational story and a valuable brand. And to those who are working with a solo practitioner, know that though they may not get you in Newsweek in the first month of working together, they will get you to the right place in time.

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My Vegan Struggle

So…this vegan thing, let’s talk about it.

I’m struggling, y’all. So many delicious foods are made with dairy – ice cream, cookies, ice cream, pizza. My significant other is doing a much better job than me, I must say, which only makes me feel (slightly) worse. With age, I’ve become more aware of the importance of my diet and how it affects my physical health. Since I transitioned to (99.999) vegetarianism, I can say there is a difference in how quickly I can gain muscle tone, even after a junk food/no workout binge, and my skin has significantly fewer hormonal break outs. Thanks to the power of the Internet, I learned about how dairy affects your cholesterol, adding fats to your blood. But I keep coming back to the deliciousness of ice cream, and my soul hurts. Just like I don’t believe in diet cookies or ice cream, these goodies without the dairy just seems blasphemous.

Since it’s all a journey, I’m still working on it. Bryant Terry, who I consider one of the best vegan author/cook in the game, released his new book today. If you’re in the market for a new resource, whether you’re vegan, vegetarian, transitioning or a full-fledged non-apologizing meat-eater, pick up a copy of “Afro-Vegan: Farm-Fresh African, Caribbean, and Southern Flavors Remixed.” I’m going to get a copy for me and my mom (who is kicking butt at veganism and putting us all to shame over here).

Other resources that I love:

“Vegan Soul Food: Fresh, Healthy, and Creative African-American Cuisine” – took this one from my mom, best thing I’ve taken from her aside from this one super-comfy sweater.

Happy Herbivore – great community of vegans, includes an informative website and some fun cook books.

Dallas Vegan – good online resource for local vegans. Check out their Instagram as well for some yummy food shots to get you hungry.

Local restaurants: Cosmic Cafe, Kalachandji’s, Spiral Diner (Two words: tofu scramble. It’ll change your life.)

Do you have any vegan cook book or Dallas-area restaurants recommendations? Leave them in the comments, and I’ll be sure to check them out.

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Does Being a Leader Mean Never Having to Say “I’m Sorry”?

Think about the last time you made a public mistake, be it in your personal or professional life. How did you handle it? Were you apologetic? Did you immediately make amends to anyone affected? And then, when the dust had settled, did you reflect on it, file the information and move on? Those are the “right” things to do, according to anyone with a lick of sense. When it comes to me, though, you won’t find one phrase in my acts of contrition: “I’m sorry.”

Now, this is not to say that I don’t experience regret or feel that I’m wrong, because it definitely happens. What I’m saying is that the words “I’m sorry” are not part of my vocabulary (usually). They’re right up there with the act of crying – there are just some things that can’t be taken back.

Let me explain my rationale. I want to solve issues, preferably before they become full-fledged problems. When a problem does arise, I’d rather dedicate time to quashing it than explaining it, apologizing for it and then resolving it. The act of saying “I’m sorry” puts you on the back foot. Unless a person has truly goofed in an irreparable way, there is always a way to make things better. Being solutions-focused means I’m looking ahead at next steps, not down at where I am currently still in the mistake.

To give an example: I encountered a situation in which, though it wasn’t me who screwed up, it fell to me as the person responsible for the one who did screw up. My response was to take responsibility, in writing, and begin discussing what could be done to rectify the situation. Unfortunately, the phrase “I take responsibility” didn’t have the same effect as “I’m sorry” to the superiors, and I was admonished specifically for not apologizing. Even years later, I believe this was one of the best examples of mismanagement I’ve encountered. Instead of focusing on my desire to fix the problem, the manager instead only saw the lack of the specific words that made them feel better. Even after pointing out that I had not shirked my role in the situation, I was left with a bad taste in my mouth. The manager’s reaction confirmed what I’d already suspected about some people: To say “I’m sorry” is akin to groveling, laying prostrate and allowing someone to be “right” in your wrongness.

Since then, I’ve stood in my anti-sorry stance. Thankfully, the people that I work with now are of the problem-solving variety rather than the make-me-feel-better type, which means that when it comes to it, we’re on the get-things-done team.

What about you? Do you find yourself apologizing unnecessarily? (The way people, especially women, apologize for the littlest things is whole ‘nother post.) Or are you team no-apologies-necessary? What’s your fix-it tactic?

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The Four Lessons I’ve Learned Since Getting Fired

Photo via Flickr user C4 BOO
Photo via Flickr user C4 BOO. Image license.

I sometimes manage to miss anniversaries – like when I started blogging – but an upcoming date has not missed my notice. It’s been (about) a year since I got fired for the first time. In those (nearly) 365 days, I’ve learned quite a bit about myself, professionalism and coping with personal setbacks.

Make a plan – I saw my fate coming from a distance, so it gave me time to prepare. Once it happens to you, it’s normal to want to sit down and sulk, kick rocks and curse and generally be mad at life. If that helps, do it…but do it short-term. Then you get up, dust yourself off and start making a strategy. Nothing good comes from wallowing in your misery. Most importantly, piss poor planning prevents proper performing (thanks band years!). Takeaway: Always have a plan B (and C), even if you think you’ve found the dream job.

Maintain a network  – As I mentioned, I had a bit of a head start so I was able to reach out to my network before the hammer dropped. The fact that I had kept in touch even during the times I didn’t need anything likely helped move things along when I did need them. When I reached out to them about opportunities, it wasn’t from a perspective of “I need” but “How can I help you?” That subtle shift got me more opportunities and recommendations than submitting dozens of online applications. Takeaway: The most important question someone in need can ask isn’t “Can you help me?” but how “How can I help you?”

Invest in yourself – Losing my main source of income naturally made me want to shut down all “unnecessary” spending. I reconsidered this stance when a work associate, Tawanna Browne Smith, someone who knew my industry and had provided me with great feedback, recommended I link up with Mia Redrick. In the past 10 months, Mia has provided me with a blueprint for entrepreneurship and personal and group accountability. If you’re thinking of coaching, seriously, check her out. Takeaway: Strategic investments in your skills – continuing education, professional development, coaching – is a worthy measure if you believe it will help you get past your current situation.

Brand yourself – During a group session, we were asked if someone had to describe our services or expertise, had we given them enough to do so? A year ago, I’d been blogging but not about my area of knowledge. Since then I’ve launched my own website (where you are now), and I’ve begun using this site and my Twitter account (@VeleisaP) to tell more about myself as a professional. Another investment, but very much worth the price when it comes to search results on my name and my brand. Takeaway: Your name is often your entree into opportunities; make sure you are the one telling your story both in person and online.

That’s my wisdom. What advice would you give to a professional going through the transition that comes from being fired? I’ll share your comments via my Twitter account.

Image license

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How Do You Teach A Thing Like Gender?

If anyone knows me long enough, it’s likely that they’ll see my put my foot in my mouth with some kind off-hand remark that sounded much more witty inside my head than it does coming out of my mouth. We’re all a work in progress; I know about this quirk of mine and I’m working on asking myself “Does this statement matter?” when I start to speak. Mindful thinking and all that jazz.

I was told about one of these moments from over the holidays. During some belated gift giving, a young girl in my family unwrapped a set of “princess tiaras and shoes,” marketed as the ultimate playtime accessory set. While she peeled out to trade out her sparkly sneakers for the plastic slides in a blinding shade of pink, my heart sank.

Continue reading “How Do You Teach A Thing Like Gender?”

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Basking in the golden silence

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Photo via Joel Jefferies on Flickr

When I’m asked, I always like to say that my family is my sister and my mom. Though I have an extended group of aunts, uncles and cousins, when I consider the mental image of family, it’s those two. Because of this, I am wholly unaccustomed to boisterous weekend gatherings of generations of assorted relatives, reliving the “remember when…” stories and having hours lapse before everyone starts to peel away slowly to do it again the following week. While not a solitary creature, I revel in a quiet household where not much needs to be said because it is understood that our shared time is entertainment and company enough.

Over the years in romantic relationships, I’ve learned that the same approach I take to family togetherness works best for paramours as well. I remember in my youth, being in each other’s pockets seemed like the place to be, and God forbid something happen to one of us while the other wasn’t there to simultaneous experience it. Honestly, I’m shocked I wasn’t more exhausted from sustaining these types of dealings.

With age comes wisdom, as well as your own business, which requires you to mind. As I move within my current relationship, I try to keep in mind that while there is an “us,” more importantly there is a “me” and “he.” I have to allow both of us space to decompress, unwind, unpack and reflect without the nagging feeling of “growing apart” and he does the same.

What I see as somewhat of conventional (romantic and non-romantic) relationship wisdom, many others don’t seem to get, if the anecdotal examples from various advice columns imply. Some of my favorites are Dear Prudence on Slate, Carolyn Hax on Washington Post and A Belle in Brooklyn Ask.fm page. Lack of basic communication practice (ask for what you want, be open to compromise, don’t accept less than you’re worth) seems to be at the root of nearly all exchanges for which people are seeking guidance, be it a relationship between mother-daughter, boss-employee, boyfriend-girlfriend or just two people who are exploring the dating scene. Reading the submissions is one of my guiltiest pleasures; people always find a way to reach new level of “Huh?” with each question.

Mind you, in no way am I saying that my communication style is ideal – I can be short of patience, I want people to get to the point quickly and I hate arguing with those closest to me. What I always try to keep in mind is to listen more than I speak, consider all the perspectives, even the ones that aren’t being presented, and that taking 10 seconds before speaking in anger or irritation can save a whole lot of feelings. The more I operate within these kinds of guidelines, the better my relationships work. And the more of that sweet, sweet silence I get to have in my happy household.

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The End Is Near

It’s been a long time, shouldn’t have left you without a…well, you know the rest if you’re a hip-hop fan. I’ve had fifty-eleven post ideas run through my head. Really, how couldn’t I be inspired by the cultural appropriation of Miley Cyrus at the MTV VMA Awards, the news about Netflix for Emmy Awards, usually the accolade reserved for television-based entertainment, my recent cable upgrade that gives me access to new movie channels (winning!) and various other topics of interest. So I do apologize to my (few) readers and to myself for the slackery.

Today, the topic is the end. The end of a life-defining journey. The end…of graduate school. This is my last semester, and it has me feeling some kind of way. I’ve formed such good relationships with my classmates, and in the course of our two years of knowing each other we have seen folks get married, have kids and supported each other through tragic events. Already we’ve had some graduations, and though we keep in touch in our Facebook group, it’s not the same as giving knowing looks at each other across FA 414 as we wait for the clock to tick down to 8:49:59 and we can calmly start gathering our books, notes and run toward the door. Okay, it’s not that bad but after nearly three hours, you’re ready to stop listening to words.

I will admit, a part of me is not ready for the idea of not having the kinds of discussions that are the staple of graduate school. It’s the entire reason I have devoted at least one night a week to talking theory, subjectivity and objectivity, 20-page research reports and current trends. When I began college, I thought I was going to be a math major…but then I really looked at the work expected of me and took a left turn. I knew I didn’t want to do English, mostly because I had no desire to read the “classics” and parse them for years to come. Though I came out of school right before the economic crash, I was wise enough to know that an English degree wasn’t going to put a lot of food on the table, whether it was feast or famine season in the economy. My initial reaction to the Intro to Communication class was “Oh, wow, so this is how the sausage is made?” My studies and career in communication has made me more selective of my media and more analytical of what I read and believe in the newspaper.

My final class is a bit of a hodgepodge but it combines all of the topics I love: language, culture and communication. In one class, we talked about accent tag videos (seriously, I can’t stop watching them), neologisms and the power it takes to create a new word, language versus speech, individual versus social functions of language and all the topics that make me go back and read and reread sentences. Although we’re focusing on the language of the States, I’d love to study the patois of the Caribbean Islands, especially considering there is such a diversity of language based on the various countries that colonized the region and the influence of indigenous mother tongue.

This week we get into language and gender, and my reading is from Judith Butler, whose name I remember from undergraduate studies. I’ll let that reading, and the other 80-odd pages be my inspiration for writing. Then, before I know it, it’ll be over.

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My battle with travel preparedness

I crouched down on the sidewalk, rifling through my suitcase at a rabid pace, considering dumping all my worldly goods in my search. I looked up at the receding bumper driven by my host, then toward the elevator that I should be on, taking me down to the subway and eventually to the airport. I say should because I cannot find my passport and my breathing is coming at a rapid pace as I try to remember where last I had it. I’m the last of the study abroad students that stayed at the flat to leave back to the States, and I have no one to call if I can’t find my documents. By the grace of God, my host mother, as they like to consider themselves, happened to look at the rear view mirror and see my distress. Two days, a flight change and an early morning visit to the mailing company to open a suitcase that was supposed to be shipped back home to rescue my inadvertently packed passport and I was on my way.

You can ask anyone close to me, I can be absentminded to a fault when it comes to travel. In my early 20s, I was the “show up half an hour before departure” kind of traveler, overpacking my suitcase and yet forgetting toothpaste and a scarf to wrap my hair. After the travel abroad incident, along with a forgotten laptop that almost made my sister push me onto the Tube tracks, I knew I had to wizen up or risk some miserable trips. Working in the travel industry put me in contact with people who could pack a carry on in their sleep and make sure the baby had their favorite blanket, toy and food. Since I am not traveling with kids, I had no excuse not to learn quickly from their examples.

It began with figuring out how to pack one bag for several days. This decision was hastened by the increasing cost of checking luggage (seriously though, $25 per bag, highway robbery). The way that airlines are charging nickel and dime fees, soon I’m sure we will be paying for carry on bags too. The CEO of Ryanair thinks so too.

Soon after mastering single bag packing, I conquered the “all liquids in a quart size bag,” “getting to the gate with an hour to spare so you can actually breathe or have a drink,” and finally “ALWAYS take a piece of fruit and mixed nuts with you” because sis, these airlines are not here to provide you with sustenance. In preparing for an upcoming trip too see my sister, I reached a new level of preparedness: outfit planning. Like, proper “On Wednesdays we wear pink” kind of planning. Day outfit, night outfit for each day plus an extra just to be safe. And I managed to get it in my carry on size suitcase. Needless to say, I’m quite proud of myself, much like how those Candy Crush players get when someone gives them new levels.

Oh, and on this trip, my passport is safely in my bag…the one next to me.

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Missing My (Blogging) Anniversary

On Saturday, it hit me like a sack of bricks….I’ve been blogging for two years and completely missed my anniversary. In my youth, those kinds of milestones – one month, six months, a year – mattered much more because I held my relationships so close. Aging, work and other obligations and general forgetfulness (must pick up that ginkgo biloba) has made it so only birthdays and holidays stand out for me, and I even put my boyfriend’s birthday a month later for the first year of our relationship.

When I first started this blogging thing, I had just begun graduate school. I was all wide eyed and excited about furthering my education. Today, as a “veteran” of research and cranking out papers on a regular basis, I feel like that weathered lone gun who speaks only cryptic sentences around the ever-present toothpick between my teeth as I recline in the back corner of class. I’m only six hours from finishing, so close I can smell the knowledge emanating from the graduation robe and see the free nights and weekends like I was thinking of switching phone carriers.

I would also say that I’ve gotten much more personal over the years. In the last six months alone, I’ve talked about my career diversion, taking on a career coach and my faith. The center of my life has shifted from work to personal fulfillment as I came to realize that earning a paycheck didn’t mean much if you had to grit your teeth to get through the day. I like and need all my back teeth folks. Still working on finding my intersection of “total job satisfaction” and “adequate pay for work” but worrying about the journey won’t get me there any faster.

Anyway, I just had to write through my astonishment that my online journaling has been going on this long, and my excitement in seeing my thoughts, inspiration and maturation in the form of my written thoughts. Thank you for being part of this thing, when you’ve left comments, subscribed or even just perused a few posts. You rock my socks, and I appreciate you. Namaste.